Delinquent
by A. Windsor
Summary: A PC oneshot silliness. 19ish years postBDM, 3 months post HellRaising.


Title: Delinquent

Rating: PG, maybe a little more. Underage drinking and whatnot

Characters: The crew, the PCs.

Pairings: Nothing heavy. M/I, Z/W, S/K by nature of the 'verse.

Summary: A PC one-shot silliness. 19ish years post-BDM, 3 months post Hell-Raising.

Disclaimer: Most of the characters (sans the PCs) aren't mine, but the situation is.

For newbies: New Leaf, Brother, Shadow, Mei-Mei, Mischief, Forty, Pirate Children, Mistletoe, Hell-Raising, Delinquent, Barriers, Tough, Echo

Author's Note: Sorry it's been so ridiculously long. I swear there will be another one shot later this week. This is just a little bit of silliness, dedicated to Kaynara. I've owed her this for a very long time. Idea is half hers, anyway. :)

Kacey Washburn, 18

Lolly Tam, 17

Abe Reynolds, 15.5

Serra Reynolds, 10.5

* * *

"Alright, 'Nara and Ally're takin' Mei-Mei into town, seein' some show or another, and y'all three are welcome to go with…"

Kacey makes a face.

"Or not," Mal goes on with a sigh. "But if you're not going with the ladies, you're confined to the ship, all three of ya."

"Aw, c'mon, Uncle Mal," Kacey groans, "Lolly and I didn't go and get ourselves pinched, how come we have to be stuck here?"

Abe flinches, just a little.

It's been three months since Abe and Serra were kidnapped by Niska, since Abram slit the old crime boss's throat. The parents have been a little… overprotective, ever since. Kacey, recently eighteen, is starting chafe under the parameters recently set forth.

"'Cause I said so, an' I'm the captain."

Lolly rolls her eyes at the oft-repeated statement, giving Kacey a sidelong gaze.

"Look, Wash, Simon, an' Kaylee'll be here, too, so don't go trying anything, _dong ma_?"

"Yes, sir," Abe says, full of faux-obedience.

"Abe, I mean it," Mal reiterates, looking over the gathered teenagers.

"We know," Abe replies, fixing his face into total seriousness. "We'll stay put."

Mal studies them for a few moments longer, searching for any mischief.

"Get into trouble and you're mopping floors and cleaning septic vacs for a month."

"Got it, Uncle Mal," Lolly smiles charmingly, "I'll keep these two in line."

Throwing one more skeptical glance at the trio, Mal leaves them on the catwalk, headed towards the waiting mule.

"Daddy, wait!"

He turns to see his younger child, ten and mid-growth spurt, bounding down the stairs. She skids to a stop a step above him.

"What's up, Mei-Mei?"

"You almost left without your good luck kiss."

"Oh, right. Sorry 'bout that."

She shakes her head, exasperated, and leans forward to peck his cheek.

"Don't get shot," Serra instructs, hands planted on her hips, looking a whole hell of a lot like her mama.

"Alright, baby-mine. I promise. Have fun with Ally and your mama."

"Okay. Go work."

Mal shakes his head and kisses her cheek as she shoos him on his way.

Once those crew going on the job have the left the cargo bay and Serra has run off to help her mama finish getting ready, a mischievous smile spreads across Kacey Washburn's face. He reaches up to rub at his temples.

"Anyone else feeling a headache coming on?"

Lolly and Abe return his grin, and Lolly fakes a cough.

"I do feel like I'm coming down with something."

"And I really haven't been sleeping well, lately. I should really catch up on some rest…" Abe yawns, brown eyes twinkling.

"'Evening, ladies. How was your theater?"

Ally, Inara, and Serra are coming up the ramp just as the rest of the crew is securing the new cargo, recently acquired.

"Entertaining. And a passable adaptation," Ally answers.

"Enjoyable. Did you like it, Mei-Mei?" Inara asks, turning to the little one trailing sleepily behind her.

"Oh yeah. It was great," Serra chirps, smiling. As Inara turns her back to Serra, the ten-year-old makes a pained face at her father and then lays her head on her hands, miming sleep.

Mal hides his grin and yells up to Wash, who is coming down the stairs to help with the cargo.

"Where's the rest of the labor? Ain't that why we had kids?"

"Hey!" Serra objects as she trudges up the stairs.

"Hush, you," her mama teases, hands on Serra's shoulders as she guides her towards bed.

"They all retreated to their rooms, claiming headaches and sleepiness," Wash answers. "I diagnose severe pouting and cabin fever. They've been asleep since not long after you left."

"Right. Mei-Mei, go get your brother and cousins. Tell 'em to get their _pi gu_ down here to help."

"Yes, sir!" Serra says excitedly, as she bounces off to rudely awaken her older compatriots.

A few minutes later, Serra returns with a grin, looking for all the 'verse like a cat who just cleaned out a whole cage full of canaries.

"They're not there."

"_Shuh muh_?" Wash and Mal ask in unison.

"They're not there," Serra repeats with emphasis. She looks at the men like they're stupid.

"What's going on?" Zoe asks, coming over to her stunned husband and her increasingly angry captain.

"Serra, you ain't playing one of your tricks, are ya?" Mal asks slowly.

"No!" Serra objects, emphatically. "This is too good for me to make up."

Mal is turning very red.

"Husband, with you, Kaylee, and Simon aboard, how did they even manage to get off the boat?"

"Who's off the boat?" Kaylee asks, emerging from the passenger dorms with Simon.

"The rest of the kids."

"Ha! I'm the good one this time!"

"_Bi zui_, baby," Inara says affectionately, arm around Serra's shoulders.

"Well, I am," Serra says, softer, resting her head against her mama as they watch the chaos unfolding in the cargo bay.

"I'm tryin' to find out how they gave all three of you the slip? And gorrammit, they lied right to my face. 'Said they wouldn't try anythin'."

"Relax, Captain. We're in a small port. They can't have gone far, and there's not much trouble for them to get into," Ally calls from the catwalk above with Serra and Inara.

"Oh, they're so dead," Kaylee warns.

"I'm gonna kill 'em," Mal echoes.

"Not if I get to them first," Zoe interjects.

Jayne chuckles and continues to store the cargo, amused as always by the antics of these kids.

"Albatross, you know where they've gotten off to?"

"Behind you," River says nonchalantly, helping Jayne with the stowing.

The parents turn around to see five local lawmen and three staggering, obviously drunk teenagers.

"Captain Reynolds?" the one who seems to be the sheriff questions.

"Oh, this is gonna be so good," Serra claims, loudly, from above.

"Bed!" Mal yells up to her.

Inara pushes her daughter towards the shuttle and hurries to join the rest of the crew in the cargo bay.

"I'm Captain Reynolds," Mal says, taking a deep breath. "There a problem, officer?"

"'Picked these three up outside the local pub. Got some calls about 'em. 'Said they belonged to you and your ship."

"Oh, they're ours alright."

Mal looks each of them over carefully. Kacey is standing sullenly beside his deputy escort, Lolly staring embarrassedly down at the floor, and Abe… grinning amiably with his arm around the deputy's shoulders. That boy is the deadest, Mal vows.

"Hey, Daddy," Abe smiles, waving ridiculously.

"It would be best not to talk right now, Abram," Inara warns, taking her place beside Mal.

"Mama," Abe grins stupidly.

Mal ignores the snickering behind him and especially above him.

"What'd they do, Sheriff?"

"Well, for this one," the sheriff motions to Abe with a mix of amusement and disdain, "We've got underage drinking, drunk and disorderly conduct, public intoxication, and mild vandalism."

"'Was a pretty picture, Daddy…"

"I'm very sorry about this, Sheriff. You have my word he'll be severely punished."

"I assumed as much," the sheriff, a man in his late fifties, nods. He motions to his deputy to release Abram to his parents. Abe embraces his deputy warmly.

"Thanks!" he grins. "Have 'nice night."

Mal looks mortified.

Abe stumbles over to the sheriff, planting a kiss on the rough old man's face. "'Sorry 'bout all this."

The sheriff just looks amused at this point.

Abe, still grinning idiotically, falls over towards the rest of the crew, pulling Jayne into a giant hug.

"Hi, Jayne… Why don' we call you Uncle Jayne?..."

Mal grabs Abe by the arm and drags him away from a guffawing Jayne.

"Daddy," Abe beams, falling onto his father, arms outstretched.

"He's been like this all night," Kacey groans.

"He's better now," Lolly sighs, rolling her eyes. "Earlier, he kissed Kacey, full on the lips."

"What?!" both teenagers in question cry, not meeting each other's eyes.

A very distinct young giggle reaches full on laughter above them all.

"Bed!" Mal bellows, not even bothering to look up.

"Daddy, have you seen Lolly's tattoo? 'Sreal pretty," Abe grins, hanging all over his father.

"Her what?!" Simon shouts.

"Lolly!" Kaylee cries. "You picked one without me?"

"You're condoning this?" Simon turns to his wife.

They dissolve into bickering.

"So loud, Mama," Abe groans, leaving his father to lean on Inara.

"Go sit down," Mal orders. "Please, continue, Sheriff."

"On to Miss Tam. Again, drunk and disorderly, public intoxication, drinking underage. Public nudity…"

"What?!" Simon cries.

"I lost my shirt!" Lolly retorts, hands holding her throbbing temples. She is currently wearing the jacket of one of the deputies. "The guys at the tattoo place stole it."

"Dear god…" Simon gapes.

The sheriff gestures for the deputy to release Lolly.

"Go on to your parents," Mal nods back toward Kaylee and Simon, still squabbling. He gives her a gentle push in their direction.

"And finally, Mr. Washburn. Drunk and disorderly, public intoxication. Buying alcohol for minors. Soliciting a prostitute…"

"_Shuh muh_?" Zoe interrupts, incredulous.

"I di'n't know she was a whore, Mom, I swear!" Kacey slurs. "'Was just playin' nice. An' she was real pretty."

"Anything else, Sheriff?" Zoe asks, marching over to grab her son. "Or can I take him from here?"

"You can have him, ma'am," the sheriff drawls. "They won 'bout a hundred creds hustlin' billiards, but we'll be keepin' that in lieu of a fine."

"That's mighty generous of you, Sheriff. Thanks for returning them to us," Mal nods, shaking the lawman's hand. "I can assure you that it will never happen again. And they will be appropriately punished."

"No problem, Captain," the sheriff tips his hat. "Kids'll be kids. Just wanted to make sure they were returned all right. G'night."

He and his deputies turn and leave.

"_Hun dan_ stole our gorramn money," Kacey grumbles.

"_Bi zui_," Wash shakes his head, trying to repress his grin.

There's more giggling from above.

"Serra Alleyne Reynolds! Your _pi gu_ ain't in your bunk in five minutes, you're servin' time with the rest of 'em."

"Daddy! Language!" Serra eeps before scrambling for her room.

"I'll go see she gets into bed," Ally offers, following Serra after Inara gives her a nod of approval.

"Where in the gorramn _guay_ do I start?" Mal roars, turning to each of the three. "Oh, I know. Scrubbing floors and septic vac. For a month. And that's just the beginning. Also, anything heard in this room is game for teasing. By anyone. And yes, that means Serra, and you know she heard everything."

"Cap'n!" Kacey objects.

"Y'all don't get a say in this. Especially you, Kacey."

"Hey, I'm 'lowed to drink."

"No talking," Zoe reiterates, shooting a withering look at her only son.

"What were y'all thinking?" Mal continues. "Sneakin' off the boat after you told me to my face you wouldn't?"

Lolly opens her mouth to respond.

"No talkin', Miss Nudity," Kaylee reminds her with a flick on the arm.

"Now, I've assigned you part of your Captainy punishment. In addition, none of you…" He looks pointedly at Kacey, "No matter what your gorramn age is, will be gettin' off this boat without one of us until I say. And I probably won't say until Serra's old enough to escort you. I'll leave the rest to your parents."

Mal casts his eyes over at Abe as he says this. His overly happy boy isn't paying attention at all, half-passed out with his head against the stair rail.

"Well, Lolly will be taking Serra shopping for new clothes when we land on Persephone. With only Jayne as escort."

"Hell no!" Lolly, who seems to be sobering up the quickest, cries. "Daddy. She doesn't listen to me any more than she listens to Mal. And shoppin'? _Renci de Fozu_, she's such a pain in the _pi gu_."

"Hey," Mal warns. "You really wanna be insulting my baby girl when I'm holdin' your future in my hands? Sounds like a great plan, Simon."

"She'll also be scrubbing the engine room clean every day," Kaylee adds.

"And viewing pictures of infected skin art."

Kacey snorts.

"Laugh one more time and you'll never see sunlight again," Zoe warns, using the voice Kacey identifies as the "scary one". He shuts up quickly.

"What's the tat' of, anyway, Sparky?" Jayne asks from where he leans against the cargo, enjoying the show.

Lolly pulls down the deputy's jacket just enough to reveal _03-K64_ etched (and swollen) on her upper left shoulder.

Simon gapes for a moment and then sputters a little.

"You… You, you… You got _Serenity_'s class code permanently emblazoned on your body?!"

River and Jayne break into laughter. Kaylee tries to hide her grin, setting on her authoritative face.

"Go drink a glass of water and get ta bed, Leila Lee. We'll talk more in the mornin'. After your daddy's recovered."

Lolly grumbles but does as she's told. Kaylee and Simon also take their leave for the night, Simon still looking a little shell-shocked.

"Oooh! Our turn!" Wash says excitedly, turning to his groaning son. "I've got one. No flying."

"Dad!"

"What? You go get yourself drunk and expect me to let you fly my ship?" Wash asks.

"My ship!" Mal corrects.

Inara rolls her eyes.

"And my septic vac duties until I say," Zoe adds.

"Mine, too," Wash pipes in.

"Mine, too, lil' Cobb."

"No," the three Washburns say in unison.

"Get your ass in bed, Kacey," Zoe finally says, jerking her thumb towards the stairs. Kacey sulks off and up the stairs.

"Nighty-night, Kacey," Abe grins, half-awake, as he grabs at Kacey's leg.

"Oh, don't you start, Bubba," Mal says, extricating his boy from the tangle he's gotten himself into. "We're just gettin' warmed up."

"Mama's makin' 'er un'appy face," Abe stage-whispers to his father. "I'm sorry, Mama."

Inara raises an eyebrow. "You're banned from the infirmary, barring injury, until further notice. That means no lessons with Simon. You've lost that privilege."

"Mama," Abe whines.

"Enough," Inara puts her foot down.

"Also, I like Zoe and Wash's idea," Mal adds, "My septic vac duties 'til I say otherwise."

"Go to bed, Abe," Inara orders.

Moping, the boy tries to pull himself up and stumbles, nearly bashing his head on the steps.

"A little help, Zo'?" Mal sighs, picking Abe up under one arm. Zoe nods and joins him.

As they disappear, Inara lets out a heavy sigh and raises her hand to her face. She knows she probably won't be so angry in the morning, not after such a silly, harmless adolescent transgression, but right now…

"Well," Wash says, laying a hand on her shoulder. "I think that went swimmingly."

Inara shoots him an incredulously look.

"You know… If we were all rocks."

* * *

el fin 


End file.
